New Evolution Theory: Zombies Live to Become Gorillas!

New suggestions about evolution are stirring up Downtown Denver this fall. How else can you explain that on Saturday, October 23, thousands of Zombies appear in Skyline Park, crawl up the 16th Street Mall, dance back at the park until dark…and, on the seventh day (the following Saturday), thousands of Gorillas show up at the Wynkoop Brewery? There are more of both every year.

Zombies before becoming Gorillas

This year’s Zombie Crawl event promises to be “the largest Zombie gathering in history.” To which I say, “Hide your children and untethered pets!”

Organizers plan to try to set a new world record for Zombies (and, yes, there is one recognized as 4200 last July in Seattle) so that means a lot of make-up, wacky costumes, and mob behavior. Think of the Denver Cruisers without bikes. The mob will move in some orderly fashion down the Mall from Skyline Park a few blocks and back. And, like the Cruisers, they have rules. No touching of innocent pedestrians. No getting gooey makeup on signs or buildings or cars or animals. No going into stores unless invited. And, no, absolutely no, touching of RTD Shuttles. With any luck, no Zombies will be “touched” by the Shuttles, either.

Back at the park, music and “zombie defense demonstrations” until a movie at dusk. And, they’ll drift into the night? Only to come back as Gorillas?

If you miss this opportunity, another Zombie Crawl nearby (well, Ogden, Utah) will go down Friday the 29th at 6:30 near their version of Union Station. Being Utah, we don’t have any information on what those Zombies may live to be.

So, this theory. Should it be taught in the schools?